Shane McCrae

James the Brother of Jesus Confronts His Heavenly Double at the Gates

It was generally believed that one’s guardian angel is also one’s heavenly double.

—David Bentley Hart

The gates of Heaven slide

Apart and I’m in Heaven

Smiling on the other side

But colorless     the color

Of     now I’ve seen goats slaughtered

And dressed and open   wounds

Glistening like just-watered

Roses     in human bellies

But through the angel’s skin

Whose body is my body

I see the blue of when

A freshet runs in the brown

Of its brown bed     I see

The brown of branches leafing

The green of pottery

Glimpsed through swaying moss

Nothing that looks like lungs

A stomach or a heart

But something     like the rungs

Of a white ladder stretches

Across the angel’s face

Behind his eyes and teeth

I do not leave my place

The angel smiles and waits

But what will he become

When I am where he is

I hear a     distant hum

That sounds like angry wasps

I speak     When I was small

I envied him     my brother

The rest of us     we all

Were trapped together     like

Like symptoms in a body

Bodies     the flimsy houses

We chipped and cracked and     God He

Seemed to speak less to us

Than others other boys

Bragged     that their fathers heard

The terrifying voice

Daily     He told them what

To tell their wives to do

Not Joseph     never Joseph

Never     and Jesus knew

We all knew     why but Jesus

Knew like a river knows

The stone it drowns forever

We were all stones     in those

Long flowing silences

Of his     as if he were

Practicing his dominion

On us     but no     I’m sure

Now     he would not have been

Messiah if he could

Have chosen not to be

I know    that God is good

But I hear wings behind

You buzzing and I hear

The wings of great wasps buzzing

O angel     and I fear

A Heaven of wasps hatched

From eggs that look like men

He throws his head back laugh-

ing eyes shut     through his skin

I see him watching me

Shane McCrae’s most recent book is New and Collected Hell. He has edited a volume of John Berryman's uncollected Dream Songs, which will be published in December of 2025. McCrae's awards include a Lannan Literary Award and a Whiting Writer's Award. He lives in New York City.